


You're okay, you'll be okay

by onthereef



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Violence, Protective Anya (The 100), Protective Clarke, Sad Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 07:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13184952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthereef/pseuds/onthereef
Summary: All Clarke wanted was for everyone to be quiet, all Lexa wanted was to go home.Lexa has a panic attack at a party and shuts herself in the room at the end of the hall to ride it out until she can get Anya and get the hell out of here. Clarke has no idea who this girl is but she's not gonna let someone have a breakdown at the foot of her bed without at least trying to help because she may be about to pass out from this headache but she's not an asshole.





	You're okay, you'll be okay

All Clarke wanted was for everyone to be quiet.

Living with Octavia was mostly fine. Great even. Except when it wasn’t. When she invited a few friends over which always turned into a lot of friends which turned into loud music and lots of shouting and Clarke getting a migraine.

She just needed some quiet. And maybe some aspirin because typically she’d forgotten to fill her prescription and her head was really trying to kill her this time.

“God fucking damn it,” she whispered, but even that was too loud. She couldn’t leave her room to either ask Octavia to wrap things up or to go to her mom’s house for some peace and quiet because getting any closer to that noise would definitely make her brain melt.

She picked up her phone to try and text Octavia, or maybe Monty because Octavia had probably put her phone down somewhere again and wouldn’t be able to find it for a day or two. Monty would definitely be there. That boy never had his phone out of his hand or that stupid belt holster that he bought on eBay a few months ago. Turning the brightness all the way down was still too bright and she couldn’t see anything apart from a big white square. There was no way she could find her messages let alone type anything.

Frustrated, Clarke rolled face down on her bed, shoved a pillow over her head and told herself that she definitely, absolutely, 100% was not going to cry. 

 

All Lexa wanted was to go home.

She had only moved into Anya’s spare room a few days ago ready to start her junior year at Arkadia. There was nothing left for her at Polis, not after what happened. She couldn’t even think of going back to that city without going dizzy and pale and breathless, so finishing college there was definitely out of the question.

Just thinking about it now was making her stomach hurt. Her hand come to push on it instinctively, trying to hold it together. She needed Anya, if she could see Anya she’d know for sure that she was here and real and safe.

Lexa looked around with her back pushed firmly against the wall in the corner of the living room. It was so loud and crowded that she couldn’t focus on anything or anyone. She couldn’t find Anya if she didn’t move but if she did move she was going to have a meltdown. Lexa could feel her breathing speed up, could feel herself get dizzy and sweaty. She was going to have a meltdown either way it seemed. She tried to gather herself before things got worse and forced herself off the wall.

The kitchen seemed like a good place to find Anya, she generally stuck near the alcohol when she could. Lexa reached the kitchen door and tore her eyes from her feet to glance around. No Anya. She tried to calm herself and get back into the living room corner but her way was blocked and she didn’t know anyone and if she pushed past people she was going to draw attention to herself and that would make all of this a thousand times worse.

Lexa started shaking, breathing faster and shallower. There wasn’t enough oxygen and maybe there was none at all and maybe none of this was real. Without thinking she turned and moved down the hall to where the bathroom was, she just needed a minute and it would all stop and she would be okay, but the door was closed. Locked. Lexa ran this time, right down the hall to where no other people were but she could still hear them and they could see her and it wasn’t far enough. She opened the door in front of her and slammed it shut behind her, sliding down it to the floor.

Head on her knees and hands in her hair, Lexa began to rock back and forth slightly. Her breathing was so loud and fast she thought her lungs might just collapse with the pressure of it all. Her stomach hurt even worse than before and she could feel the blood pouring out of her.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, it’s okay,” she told herself over and over, until her words turned to whines turned to gasps. She couldn’t talk anymore, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t breathe. 

 

Clarke was going to kill whoever decided to burst into her bedroom and slam the door. Everyone knows that if her door is closed her room is off limits. That was the rule. She rolled over, ready to tell the person to kindly fuck off as quietly as possible, when she realised that they were breathing too fast. Way too fast to be normal. Clarke looked around and didn’t see anyone until she scanned back towards the door, spotting a shaking lump sitting in front of it. It was less of a sitting position and more like the person had just collapsed into a little ball.

This was honestly not what she expected to happen tonight. She was ready to be in a lot of pain for a couple more hours, then a little less pain when everyone went home and she could finally sleep.

“Uh, hello?” she said, not quite whispering but not ready to speak normally yet. She didn’t get any sort of response. Honestly, Clarke was in too much pain for this. She looked at the ceiling for strength, then back to the person and slowly moved out of bed. She crawled to the door, way too dizzy to stand and walk. As she neared the person she realised she didn’t recognise them, or as much of them as she could see considering they were just a couple of legs and a pile of messy hair, and she was seriously beginning to worry about just who in God’s name was in her bedroom.

“Excuse me,” she began, reaching out to touch the persons arm. As soon as she touched them the person recoiled, almost trying to force themselves further into the door. The movement allowed her to see their face, her face, and she definitely did not know this girl.

“Shit, sorry, uh.” Clarke really didn’t know what to do. Her migraine was really impacting her ability to know what the fuck was happening. She took a deep breath, reminded herself that she wasn’t going to cry tonight, and tried to figure out what was wrong with this girl. Clarke looked the girl up and down: she had one hand in her hair and one clutching her stomach, wide eyes darting about too quickly for her to be able to see, shaking like a leaf and breathing way too much and way too loudly. Shit, she thought, panic attack.

“Okay, right, I’m not going to try and touch you again. I’m just going to sit down here if that’s alright?” Clarke asked. The girl didn’t answer but her eyes locked onto Clarke’s for a moment and Clarke had never seen anyone look so afraid in their life.

“It’s okay, I’m just going to shuffle back here a bit and sit. See? I can’t reach you from here, I won’t touch you. I promise,” Clarke started, not really sure what she was saying. She noticed that the girl’s eyes were moving slower though, so she figured she should keep going.

“I’m Clarke, I live here with Octavia. It’s just you and me here though, right now. No one else is going to bother you, and we can just sit here until you feel a little bit better. We’ve got all the time in the world,” Realistically they had until all the noise made Clarke puke everywhere but that would probably sound less reassuring so she didn’t bother saying it. The girl was focussed on Clarke now, still looking scared to death but also a little confused. “Well hey there, look at you, you’re doing great. I think we should try and slow your breathing down, yeah?”

The girl nodded jerkily and then didn’t seem to be able to stop moving her head. She whined, loud and high pitched, and started moving the hand in her hair. Clarke stared at her confused for a minute and then realised she was hitting her head. She reached out instinctively to stop her but the girl flinched away and whined louder.

“Okay, no touching, okay, but I need to you try and stop hurting your head for me. I don’t have to touch you but I need you to stop that and maybe move your hand away, alright sweetheart?” The girl was still sitting nodding slightly but the whining quietened and her hand stopped. It was still moving, back and forth rubbing against her hair, but it was better than the hitting and that’s what counted. Clarke looked at the girl as encouragingly as she could. Her head was still hurting but it was getting easier. Maybe her worry for this girl was forcing her migraine away.

“You’re doing so well. That’s great. I’m going to count to 10 over and over. When you feel ready I want you to try and match your breathing to it, 5 in and 5 out, and then once you can do that I want you to try and count with me okay?” The girl nodded again and managed to stop this time. Clarke started counting quietly, ready to go all night if that’s what it took. The girl was looking at Clarke’s crossed legs almost absently and Clarke worried that she wasn’t helping even slightly but then she realised that the breathing sounds were getting slower. She kept counting and eventually she heard a delicate voice join with hers. It missed some numbers out a few times but eventually made it the whole way to 10 a few times in a row.

“That’s amazing. You’re amazing. You’ve slowed right back down to normal. How are you feeling?”

The girl looked up at Clarke, her eyes weirdly intense. She looked shocked, confused and exhausted.

“I’m Clarke, remember?”

“Lexa,” the girl replied, although it took a few attempts to get the name out.

“Well it is an absolutely pleasure to meet you, Lexa,” Clarke responded, smiling and holding her hand out cautiously for Lexa to shake.

Lexa eyed the hand cautiously and slowly moved her own towards it. She grasped Clarke’s hand tightly with her sweaty palm and when Clarke went to pull away her grip only tightened and a fearful whine came from her throat.

“Okay, it’s okay. You’re safe, Lexa.” 

 

Clarke kept her hand in Lexa’s, surprised that the girl seemed to need the contact with how she’d reacted before. Lexa was shocked at herself, she normally abhorred casual contact but this girl, Clarke, felt comforting. She hadn’t mocked Lexa for her meltdown or yelled at her for being a nuisance. She was nice and helpful and really, really pretty. Lexa’s eyes widened at the thought and Clarke leaned forward, worried: “Lexa?”

“I’m okay,” Lexa whispered, “I’m so sorry, I should go.”

“Only if you want to, but if you’re not ready to move yet that’s okay too. I don’t mind the company.”

Lexa snorted at the response, “I wouldn’t call a girl freaking out and invading your privacy good company.”

“Well look at it from my perspective then, a beautiful girl in my bedroom after a party holding my hand. It’s not a bad situation to be in.”

Clarke grinned, trying to put Lexa at ease. It was working a little too well for Lexa’s liking, and she smiled slightly despite herself. She looked into Clarke’s eyes to see if she really was okay with Lexa being there and was almost shocked by them. They were blue, but not the kind noticed straight away. Dark, almost black since there wasn’t much light in the room, and deep. Lexa stared for a moment, then realised what she was doing a looked away quickly. 

Clarke smiled at the movements. “How do you know Octavia?” She asked, figuring that a change of topic might put Lexa at ease.

“I don’t,” Lexa began, “I just moved here actually, I know Anya though. I’m living with her now.”

“Oh yeah, of course! She’s talked about you a bit, actually. Are you starting college here?”

“Uh, yeah.” Lexa looked like she was going to say something else but nothing came out. She didn’t want to talk about why she moved but she didn’t want to be rude either. Clarke was being really nice to her and it was throwing her off balance. She didn’t know how to do this. It was easy talking to Anya, they’d known each other for nearly 15 years now and didn’t even need words most of the time. Other people were hard though. Confusing. Lexa always took things so literally and most people just confused her.

Clarke kept looking at Lexa while she seemed to be lost in her thoughts. Her hair was long, brown and messy. Maybe from how she was gripping it earlier but the curls and waves in it made Clarke suspect it was always in a bit of a state. Her skin was lightly tanned from what she could see, but Lexa’s jeans and shirt covered most of it. Her eyes looked a bit red from tears but Clarke could see their green colour anyway. She was beautiful, even curled in on herself and still rocking slightly.

“Do you want me to get Anya for you?” Clarke asked, knowing it would probably be helpful but almost wishing Lexa would say no. She wanted to keep talking to the girl. To get past her shyness and help her with whatever she could.

“Would that be okay?” Lexa responded cautiously. She really wanted to go home.

Clarke smiled in response and squeezed Lexa’s hand gently. She stood up slowly, getting a little dizzy as her headache started to come back. “I’ll grab her and be back in a second, you just sit tight.”

Clarke edged past Lexa and opened the door slowly. The light in the hall was way too bright but at least the music had gotten a lot quieter. They must’ve been sitting for longer than either realised because the party had definitely died down. Clarke walked down the hall, head down to stop too much light getting in her eyes, and reached the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator before walking through to the living room. 

 

“Clarke!” Octavia exclaimed, “You’re a bit late to join in the fun but there’s still some vodka left with your name on it.”

Clarke tried to smile but it didn’t really come off right. Octavia was really loud sometimes and when she had a headache it wasn’t fun. She was on the sofa, or more on Lincoln’s lap. Monty, Jasper and Murphy were on the other sofa and Raven was squeezed onto the armchair with Anya, their faces close together as they spoke quietly. She hated to break it up, especially because they’d finally had a talk about what they wanted from each other a couple of days ago. They’d basically already been dating anyway but Raven had still been freaking out over it all.

“Thanks, O, but I’m going back to bed in a second. Anya?” she called softly, getting the blonde’s attention, “Can I grab you for a minute? It’s kind of important.”

Anya looked confused but got up from the chair. Raven raised an eyebrow at Clarke, who shrugged back, but didn’t say anything. As Anya walked over, Clarke headed back towards the hall.

“What’s going on Clarke?” Anya questioned, blunt as ever.

“Lexa is in my room,” Clarke began. Anya looked confused for a second and then glared at Clarke almost accusingly. “She just came in by herself freaking out. She had a panic attack but she’s okay now. I got her to calm down and talk to me for a bit. She’s still there now but I think she probably needs you way more than me.”

Anya moved few steps towards Clarke’s bedroom but stopped before reaching it, looking back at Clarke.

“You got her to calm down?”

“Uh, yeah. Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’m just surprised. You don’t know her.”

“No. I’d like to, though.”

Anya looked at Clarke more intensely, like she was analysing her. It was a bit unsettling. After another moment she nodded sharply at Clarke and went into the bedroom.

 

Anya opened the door carefully. She didn’t quite believe that Lexa was okay; she never calmed down properly by herself let alone with a stranger near her. She walked in slowly and scanned the room. The bed was a mess, the blankets half on the ground and one pillow at the wrong end. Lexa was sitting on the floor leaning against it. Anya could see tears still on her face, her nose a sticky mess.

When their eyes met, Lexa looked like she was going to cry again. Anya’s face shifted from her usual stony expression to soft and caring. She dropped to her knees and tilted her head slightly. Lexa took the unspoken invitation without thinking and flew into Anya’s arms, tears falling again. Anya hushed her gently, rocking her back and forth slowly.

“It’s okay, little flame. You’re okay, I’m right here. Clarke said you did really well with her. I’m so proud of you.” Anya kept talking quietly, reassuring Lexa as best she could. She’d never let anybody except the other girl see her so soft, not even Raven. This side of her was reserved for Lexa and Lexa only. She had always protected the other girl as much as she could, taught her everything she knew. They we’re family. She basically raised Lexa for as long as they’d known each other.

Lexa managed to calm herself down enough to speak. “I’m so sorry, Anya. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your friends.”

“No, you could never. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re so brave, little flame.”

Lexa just shook her head in disbelief. She was so scared that Anya would be mad but was desperate to be comforted and couldn’t stop clinging to her. Anya was like a big sister and mom all rolled into one and she needed to be as close as possible to her right now.

“I will never be embarrassed by you. How about we clean up your face and head home? That eyeliner looks a little less sharp after all those tears.”

After Lexa nodded in agreement Anya slowly raised them both from the floor. She walked Lexa into the hall and down to the bathroom. She gently cleaned Lexa’s make up from her face and gave her a final hug before leading her back into the hall.

“You should go and say goodbye to your friends. I don’t want them to think we’re being rude.” Lexa said softly. Anya looked at her for a long moment, checking to see if Lexa would really be okay alone for a minute or two.

“Sure. Stay here, okay?”

“I will. Could you, uh, ask Clarke if she would come out here while you’re saying goodbye? I want to thank her and apologise again.” Lexa didn’t look at Anya as she said it, shy and uncertain as she was. Anya raised an eyebrow at the question before smirking and shaking her head slightly in disbelief.

“You like her, don’t you?” She teased.

Lexa just blushed and pushed Anya towards the kitchen. Anya took the hint and moved away from her. She walked through the apartment into the living room and cleared her throat.

“Clarke, go down the hall.”

Clarke looked up from her conversation with Murphy and nodded slowly in response. As she walked past Anya she paused and looked at her in question.

“We’re about to go but she wanted to talk to you first.” She stated. Clarke was about to leave the room when Anya grabbed her arm, not painfully but a little tighter than comfortable. “Do not upset her, Griffin.”

Clarke looked at her wide eyed, nodding at her again. Anya let go of her arm and turned her attention back to the others who were all doing a very poor job of pretending not to listen in.

“Alright, losers, I’m out. Thanks for the party, O. Later dudes.” She said, tilting her head towards Octavia and the boys in turn.

She saw Raven trying to get up from her chair, but her leg was clearly giving her some trouble. She walked over quickly and sat on the arm, forcing Raven back into the seat. She leaned in to kiss her, loving the way that even now Raven would still let out a little gasp when she ran her tongue over her lip. She pulled away after a minute, not bothering to acknowledge the wolf whistle that definitely came from Jasper.

“I might not be able to see you tomorrow. Lexa’s had a rough night and I have a feeling we’re in for a long evening before she’ll sleep.” Anya told her, frowning slightly. She’d never begrudge Lexa for needing her but she was still a little sad at the idea of not seeing Raven as they had planned.

Raven just smiled at her, “If there’s anything either of you need just let me know. I may be a hungover mess but I’ll be there.”

Anya kissed her quickly again, “I know you will. See you around, nerd.”

“Text me when you can, jock.” 

 

Lexa waited in the hall nervously for Clarke to appear. If she appeared. She probably wouldn’t talk to a weirdo like Lexa again, even if she was nice in the bedroom. Lexa blushed at the thought, she didn’t mean _in_ the bedroom, she just meant in the room that happened to have a bed in.

“Hey, Lexa. How are you feeling?” Clarke’s voice drew Lexa out of her thoughts. She looked up and saw Clarke smiling softly at her. She had a really nice smile, Lexa thought.

“I’m okay. Anya and I are going home now but I wanted to apologise before we did. I’m really sorry I invaded your room like that and made you deal with me.”

“Don’t be stupid, it was my pleasure.” Clarke replied. She was trying to reassure Lexa but as soon as the words left her mouth the girl’s expression turned sad. “Really, it was. I’m glad I got to meet you.”

“You are?” Lexa asked, a little bit of a smile creeping back onto her face. She’d started ridiculing herself when Clarke called her stupid. She knew it wasn’t meant like that but she tried so hard to be good enough and it always freaked her out when she wasn’t as smart or strong or stoic as she felt she should be.

“Yeah, I am. Listen, this may be a bit presumptuous of me but if you ever want to hang out or talk or anything you could call me? If you wanted too that is. Entirely up to you.” Clarke didn’t want to make the girl feel like she had to but she really wanted to see her again. She wanted to get to know Lexa. “Anya has my number if you feel like it.”

“I’d like that. If you’re sure?”

“Yeah, yeah I’d like it too.”

The girls stood looking at each other, both lightly blushing and smiling gently. Lexa’s eyes kept darting between her shoes and Clarke’s face but Clarke’s eyes never looked away. They were pulled out of their silence by a very deliberate cough.

“You ready?” Anya asked Lexa, smirking at her. Lexa nodded in response and walked over to Anya at the door.

“Bye Lexa!” Clarke called out way too loudly to be casual. “And, you too, Anya. Bye.”

“Bye Clarke.” Lexa said back, a grin fighting its way onto her face.

The door shut behind Lexa and Anya and the girls began walking down the hall.

“Bye Clarke!” Anya teased, high pitched and breathy.

Lexa just rolled her eyes and elbowed her in the stomach while walking a little faster. Anya groaned out loudly pretending to be in pain. She caught up to Lexa quickly though, nudged her gently and smiled at the younger girl. Lexa smiled back and they made their way out of the building and down the street to their apartment. 

 

Clarke walked into the living room after the girls had left. She was a little out of it, both because her headache was making a real comeback and because of Lexa. The girl was something else. Clarke had never been so intrigued by someone she’d only just met. She slumped down in front of Raven, leaning her head back to look at her friend.

“You okay, Clarkey?” Raven asked, running her fingers through Clarke’s blonde hair.

“Headache,” Clarke explained. “What do you know about Lexa?”

“Not a lot. She’s from Ton DC I think, but she moved to Polis and met Anya when they were kids. She transferred from college there to start her junior year here in September.”

“She’s a transfer? She didn’t tell me that.” Clarke never asked, true, but she figured the girl would have mentioned it when she mentioned school. That’d put her a year older than Clarke.

Raven just hummed quietly in response, still stroking Clarke’s hair. Octavia and Lincoln stood up from the couch and announced they were going to bed. Monty and Jasper got up too and said their goodbyes, ready to wait for their Uber outside. Raven looked down at Clarke and then across to Murphy. Now that the others were gone she let some of the pain from her leg show on her face.

“I don’t think I can make it upstairs with this thing tonight.” She said, annoyance creeping into her voice. Raven lived two floors up with Murphy and Octavia’s brother, Bellamy. As soon as she said it, Murphy looked at the ground ashamed. He was still felt so guilty about the car accident that broke Raven’s spine no matter how many times she said she forgave him.

“You can stay with me if you want?” Clarke offered.

“Not if you’re getting a migraine. I don’t have my pills with me anyway.” Raven replied.

Murphy walked over and knelt down in front of Raven with his back to her.

“Your royal steed, my lady,” he joked, “We’ll have you home in no time.”

Raven and Clarke both laughed at him and he smiled back at them in response, sincerely offering despite his tone. Clarke stood and helped Raven climb onto Murphy’s back. He stood slowly and let Clarke hook Raven’s bag over his head. She kissed his cheek, then Raven’s and led them to the door.

“Night, guys.” Clarke whispered, not wanting to wake any neighbours now the door was open.

“Night, Griff.” Murphy replied. Raven just grunted in response, already drifting off.

“You want me to come up and help you get her in?” Clarke asked.

“Nah, I text Bell before I got her. He’s still up.”

Clarke nodded in response and watched them walk to the elevator. Once they got in she locked up, grabbed some aspirin and a few water bottles and went back to bed. She thought of Lexa once more before she fell asleep and decided to give her a week. If she hadn’t heard from her by then she’d annoy Anya until she got the girl’s number. She could wait a week. It was only 7 days. Clarke shook her head at herself. She was going to text Anya as soon as she woke up and she knew it.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this on my computer for a while so I thought I might as well attempt to show it to someone.


End file.
